I am a fixer. I fix things and I fix people. I am the one that finds solutions to problems so that others don’t have to.
A fixer is a caretaker. We care for and fix things for everyone in our circle of influence. We are the ones that are up at 2 and 3 in the morning interceding for others. We are the ones that get out of bed at 1 am to go the hospitals. We fix the meals for the homeless. We take care of men, children, dogs, cats, fish, birds and turtles. We are servants.
Who fixes the fixer when the fixer is broken? When there are too many things that need fixing that all the fixing that needs to be fixed cannot be fixed by the fixer.
Short answer? Christ.
No brainer right?
That’s who I have relied on in the past and whom I must turn to now to fix me so that I can continue to be the fixer of people and things. I know this both in my head and more importantly in my heart. I have lived my life running to Jesus.
I am a single parent, Christ was all I had. Christ was sufficient for me. Yet when I needed to feel the physical representation of Christ, I would reach for the hand of my precious young son. Holding his hand for a moment rejuvenated and strengthened me. I knew I could not fail in whatever endeavor I had to face. I would succeed. When I needed prayer, I would solicit the pure innocent prayers of my young daughter. I knew that even if Christ would not respond to my petitions, we would honor the simple petitions of a child.
My children are grown now; they live their own lives far from me. This is how it should be. They are good people. I am blessed.
Yet, as a fixer, a caretaker, there are times when I feel separated from Christ as I do right now. Overwhelmed, alone, and empty. It seems that I have nothing left to give because I am an empty vessel. Who will pray for me? Who will hold my hand?
When my system of support is removed for whatever reason; I have to find a way to reconnect.
I must do this quickly.
For me to live independent of Christ is to invite disaster. It means that the problems that I can fix through Christ cannot be fixed through me. It means that the burdens of others Christ holds me responsible for and those of my own, I am left to carry on my own slender shoulders.
I cannot. I was not meant to. I was created for relationship with Christ.
I of myself am nothing. I of myself can do nothing.
I must reconnect to the source. By any means necessary, I must reestablish my relationship with my source. Whether or not any one else is here to stand with or for me, I must reconnect to the source.
My source is Christ.
Help me Lord.