That I Might Have Life

I know a woman, who suffered unspeakable brutality,

in a time when women were but chattel,

at the hands of one who took an oath before God to love, protect and cherish her.

I know a woman, who suffered in silence,

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the indignities caused by a philandering husband

who chose to flaunt rather than hide his indiscretions with different women,

I know a woman who raised five children

all alone

on an income of less than $7000 a year.

I know a woman, who worked three jobs at a time,

who slept on the front porch so her boys and girls could have the two bedrooms.

I know a woman who had a heart large enough to embrace

two more motherless children

when she did not know how she was going to feed her own.

How many of your dreams died daily?

How did you endure the loneliness when it came late at night?

How many times was your hope scattered as disappointment came?

How many prayers did you offer up that seemingly went unanswered?

Where was your peace?

Where was your piece of the American Dream?

I cannot count the cost of my high school graduation party

or my prom dress.

How many shirts and pants did you have to iron?

How many tubes of lipstick did you sell?

How many bottoms did you have to wipe?

For me.

For me.

How do I begin to count the cost of your sacrifice

that I might have life?

How do I begin to say thank you?

Will words do?

For you.

For you.

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Baby Steps

If you’re not careful the evils associated with depression can sneak into your life unaware and wreck unimaginable chaos in a life you thought was in order.  Most of us do not have the luxury of sitting down while the storm passes.  Most of us have to walk through the madness without the benefit of taking to our beds with pills or alcohol.  Most of us have to take whatever baby steps we can conceive to cross over into the land of sanity to arrive at a point in our lives where we can once again be productive; where we can find the simplicity of joys in a good meal or the smile of a child or languishing in a bathtub of bubbles.

I am one of those “most of us” of whom I speak.

I can not pinpoint the date or time this evilness crept into my life…I know it was a deceptively crafted plot that I did not or could not identify as it snaked it’s way into my life.  I look back and I see the signs that should have told me but I thought it was simply a momentary lapse into the rest to which I thought I was entitled to as a reformed workaholic. More of the time my Lord has given me in these last couple of years that I care to admit, even to myself, I have been walking in a cloud of this evilness called depression.

I watched myself separate from friends and family.  I heard myself snap at cashiers.  I would sit as a vegetable in front of the TV (something I have always avoided). I prayed that my phone would not ring with one more person asking me to do something for them.  Cigarettes became a good friend and baby steps proved to be a slow laborious process, a daily struggle to maintain, to accomplish even the most mundane of tasks.  I loathe this state of mine for I have always viewed myself as a positive and productive person. I will myself to take steps to emerge from this pathetic destructive state of inertia…even though they are only baby steps, each minor tasks I do, I count as a victory against the evil.

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I tell myself I will emerge from this cocoon as a beautiful butterfly.  I will concentrate on those things which I remember as peaceful and calming. Those things that in the past could make me smile; my bible, my photography, texts from a sweetheart, swimming, conversations with Jordan and laughing at my sweet little grandchild.  These are my baby steps. I will use these baby steps to come back from this abyss. This blog that I have neglected… this, my first post in over a year, I claim as another one of my baby steps. With the help of God, I will continue to add more baby steps each day until I can take giant steps, and then, I shall run.  I am a kept woman.

Put a sock in it. If you can’t find a sock, a piece of candy will do.

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I read in horror the story of the man swallowed by the earth in Florida.  That night I could not sleep for thinking of the absolute terror of his ordeal.  It was as if satan had reached his hand up from the depth of hell and purposefully selected this one person out of all the others in that house, to join him in the bowels of hell.

As is my pattern, whenever perplexed about something, I turn to the Word of God. I had to find out if there was any scriptural basis for this completely abnormal occurrence. The word of God tells us repeatedly there is nothing new under the sun. So I reasoned, if it happened once it happened before.

God’s word is true.  There is spiritual and scriptural precedent for this occurrence.

In the book of Numbers, in the sixteenth chapter, there was a man named Korah who led a rebellion against Moses a man of God appointed to lead the children of Israel through the wilderness out of Egypt into the land that God had promised to give them.  Korah, was a Levite, the tribe specially and specifically chosen, sanctified and appointed by God to provide ministerial service in the sanctuary.  Korah accused Moses of leading the children of Israel into the wildness to their death for the purpose of establishing his own private kingdom.  Korah refused to follow the leadership of Moses and convinced others to do the same.  Moses responded by consulting God.  Then he issued an edict to Korah and his followers:

“Even tomorrow the Lord will shew who are his, and who is holy; and will cause him to come near unto him: even him whom he hath chosen will he cause to come near unto him.” Numbers 16:5

 And Moses said, Hereby ye shall know that the Lord hath sent me to do all these works; for I have not done them of mine own mind.

 If these men die the common death of all men, or if they be visited after the visitation of all men; then the Lord hath not sent me.

 But if the Lord make a new thing, and the earth open her mouth, and swallow them up, with all that appertain unto them, and they go down quick into the pit; then ye shall understand that these men have provoked the Lord.

And it came to pass, as he had made an end of speaking all these words, that the ground clave asunder that was under them:

 And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that appertained unto Korah, and all their goods.

They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation. Numbers 16: 28 – 33

Little is written about the man who perished in Florida.  We don’t know his history.  Even if we did, it’s not for us to judge.  It is not significant.

I’m just saying,…… it happened once, it can happen again and again.  Make sure it doesn’t happen to you.

Watch your mouth.

Next time you’re tempted to speak harshly against a man or woman of God, criticize a pastor or a ministerial leader……………………

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…………………………..put a sock in it or a piece of candy!!!!!

 

The life you save just might be your own!

 He suffered no man to do them wrong: yea, he reproved kings for their sakes,

 Saying, Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm.

1 Chronicles 16: 21-22